Friday, December 24, 2010 1:44 AM
My loyalty was drifted away to tumblr but that doesnt mean I've forgotten about you sweetheart. The reason why I've stopped blogging here, I can't bring myself to read all the previous entries. It hurts. But life goes on.
The truth may hurt alot but lies, they hurt even more.
Day 33.
The day I decided that I wont look back, I wont turn back and I vowed to forget about the past is the day you decided to meet me. The day that I decided to leave you and plead you to let me go, is the day you came back to my life and told me to be patient, again. You said you cant let me go. You said you didnt want to lose me. But have you done anything to prove those words you just said? Have you done anything to make those words come true? 33 days, I fought. Alone. I picked myself up with the help of my friends but where were you khairul? where were you when I cried buckets on my pillows. Where were you when I cried like a mad woman in my room just because I miss you so much? Sometimes I wished it didnt happened. But who am I to defeat the fate that He has put me through.
I dont blame you for everything. I blamed myself for making the wrong move in the first place. Now, I just want you to let me go. I dont want anything to do with you. I want my life back and Insya'Allah, its going to be fine without you.
I wish you well. Good luck!
Monday, September 6, 2010 9:35 AM
HAPPY TWENTEEN TO ME!
A year older, a year wiser (hopefully!). Even though it may seemed like I did not enjoy myself on my birthday but it doesn't matter. I'm more than thankful to the Almighty that I've got to live till now. My existance in this world seems to be insignificant to some but I'm thankful for the bunch of people I truly love.
I am blessed. Period.
As we speak, a year older and a year wiser, I hope that I'll be more wiser in making decisions and deciding the path that I want to take. I want to grow up but at the same time I also want to be a kid. But then, years don't go backwards. They go forward. Its time I start to think about my future. Its time I'm being considerate and not selfish. And its time for me to love myself more and find out about myself than spending time figuring out and loving others before self. What I mean is having a boyfriend.
I used to think, boyfriend is everything. How crude can I be and how easy can I get! But that was not for long. I decided that now, its time to stand on my own two feet. Afterall, all of these, lies in God's hand. So who am I to defeat fate?
I've been in and out of love and all because of my own selfish-ness, clingy-ness and too depending on someone. And my expectations were too high. But I really don't care because I was blinded by LOVE to even bother about those shortcomings. Its not healthy baby. Its ruining the relationship. I realised, people who are in a relationship don't have to meet every single day, talk for long hours every single day just to prove you love them. Its more than meets the eye.
If you're not sure about yourself, don't rush into commiting yourself in a relationship. Its like taking a step to jump down a cliff. Love yourself first before you start loving other people. And don't be too dependant on them and don't make them your everything cos when they are gone, you'll be left with nothing. And to those who whines and sighs and moan looking at people madly in love, don't be. Cos good things will come to those who wait. Expect the unexpected. If it happens, it happens. Just so you know, if it's meant to be, it will always find its way.
Till then, I'll see you in the next post!
XOXO.
Monday, August 30, 2010 11:31 AM
I've been away for too long, don't I? Hehehe, my life is so mundane. So mundane. And its the same every single day! Like I wished for a miracle. I tried, not that I DID not. Well, some things just won't go my way. That sucks.
Anyways, despite those mundane-drama-every-day life, I occupied myself with....meeting friends I love and I loathe at the same time, KIDDING! Few days ago, my lovely maya also well-known as AYAM msn-ed me at the last minute that they're having iftar at Teh tarik but gedebak gedebuk, I came only after that! But it was a good catching up even though not so much but it was good! Well, I really miss high school. Where everything was much simpler and less complicated! But oh wells, life goes on.
Sorry if the picture turns out small cos I copied and paste it via Basirah's photo album! So yesterday, my geng js from the east side drove all the way to my place to break fast! Isnt that sweet. I love them to bits, no doubt! But that will be on my next update, that is if I remembered cos I have issues with memory.
Anyways, I'm all up for Raya even though I've prepared zilch for it except for painting the house and buying new furnitures for the house! Talking about raya, I've yet to clear the mess in my room. Cakap aje nak paint room, revamp the whole room and such but ini semue semangat 2 minit je! :P But most importantly, I'm going to be twenteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen baby. Tak excited but the big 2 excites me, BIG TIME.
Okaylah, for a start, I shall clear my wadrobe and donate some clothes to the needy, perharps?
I'll see you, next time. SOON. XOXO
p/s: someone made my day, saying I look like siti nurhaliza. Even though I denied that she's prettier, he insisted I am prettier. Big Lol. But even if it seems like he is angkat-ing my buah(which I dont have any!), he make my day. Hehehe.
Thursday, July 29, 2010 6:34 AM
It's only Thursday and its not even end of the week, what more the end of the month (pay day!). But there's something to look forward to for the next two weeks, no! Not YOG mind you, it'll be the Holy Month of Ramadhan. As cliche as it may seems, I'm veryyyyy excited for it! The bazaar geylang will be packed with people and such. And I'm very much excited to shop for my Raya outfit this year! It's going to be a splendid Raya this time round and busy as grandma is in the HOUSE baybeh! I mean, she's living with me, Ma and bibik now!
Anyhoos, life is good, Praises to the one above. But at the same time, the stress is just piling up! I mean, it's very stressful to make the right decision for myself, for instance. I stayed up late all night to make a very good decision this time round and no nonsense nor procastination. Research, surveys, forums and open houses has helped me partly in making this decision. I admit, it was partly my fault for not leaving RP earlier as I wanted to give it a chance and people kept telling me, "Just continue! Even if you have to stay or repeat! Just get a diploma." Well, this people make it sound too easy cheesy but at this age, interest PLAYS a big role in my education. I did not regret making the decision to leave but I regret not leaving earlier and wasted my 2 years worth of youth and of course, money. Like Ma always put it whenever I asked for more allowance, "I don't print money you know!" Classic. But I'm thankful for a handful who supports my decision and is still encouraging me to work hard for my dreams. You know who you are ;)
Actually, my intention of blogging is to update on events that has been going on in my life for the past few months but instead, I penned down my thoughts and gave a lengthy/wordy explanation for my withdrawal from RP.
And to those who thought that my decision to leave is due to the fact that I'm getting married, please don't be narrow-minded. Like how I usually put it, "KOLOT". I may be in love, but I'm not that madly cow in love just yet and as much as I want to get married and have a family of my own, I have other priorities to be taken care of. Morover, I'm still young lah brother! ;)
One thing's for sure, I miss RP a hell lot. I miss the food, the breaks in between classes and meet up with friends at coffeeshop and of course the yummy chicken wings from TRCC! But apart from it all, the memories, the friends I've made with through out my 2 and half years in RP will not be forgotten. Never. Strangers become friends, and friends become sisters/brothers now thats what I love most about RP. The sweet fond memories, the fights and the squabbles has made us wiser and my rp friends are one of the best things that has ever happened to me! Thank you. I wish all of you(s) all the best for FYP and UT(s)!
With that, I end it with lotsa love from me to you(s). *flying kisses*
Love,
Albania (Queen of Hearts!)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 10:47 AM
Its 0226 hours and Ma is already nagging me to sleep while I'm typing this! Shall continue tmr if there's time hokay!
I'm loving the current layout, for now ;)
Monday, July 5, 2010 11:13 AM
I'm annoyed. Annoyed with myself sometimes. I've been bugging and irritate myself with alot of speculations and assumptions. What do I deserve to be in this kind of state? I didn't cheat, note please, I DID NOT CHEAT on my man but why the insecurities?
Little did I know, I browse through blogs and I came across her, somewhat the 'ex' of his. I read her archives and how she put it in a way that I was the cause of her failed relationship-to-be with him. But its okay, it was all in the past, why look back? why feel the pinch now?
I tell you this. My man is very playful and he has alottttttt of girlfriends, scandals and whatnots in the past. He was called a 'player' before amongst his circle of friends. All the above have been haunting me since day one of our relationship I tell you. Its not that I don't trust my partner but I have not given my full trust to him. We're still going to 2 years in this relationship and I don't want to put too much hope cos I'm afraid one day, things will go wrong between us and left me in the lurch, moaning and crying again. I don't want to go back to that dark alley. It scares any girl in this world, really.
I give up in this relationship easily. I do that, ALWAYS. I don't know why but whenever I faced with difficult times in this r'ship, I told him off and said that I CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM. But no. I can't even a single bit. And he knows I can't too. I've always been the fire starter in every of our heated argument and I am sorry everytime things went back to normal. I'm mean. Yes I am.
Despite his flaws, hurting me time and again, making me cry pails and makes me go crazy, I am thankful and grateful that the Almighty has given me the chance to be with someone I wanted to be all along. Someone who cares for me more than himself, who thinks I am beautiful even though without a touch of make up, who has been patient with me for almost 2 years, the ONLY guy my mum dotes on and without fail will kiss me 6 times on my face (if not, he won't let me go home). All that makes me think more than I should whether I should give up on this r'ship. If you were to ask me again next year, I will still stood to my ground. Insya'Allah.
I love you, K.
Monday, May 31, 2010 1:20 PM
So I was busy tumblring, ranting here and there like a mad cute cat (hahahaha) on tumblr that I forgot about my junk here. I'm sorry okay, promise I'll update.
Anyways, life has been good so far, praises to the One above. There may be hiccups along the way but its okay. It was meant to happen anyway. Been not so-very good girl cos I still do skip a few lessons but NEVER the Monday's class no matter how tired or I've not slept for freaking 24 hours, I still drag my lazy bum to class. Impressive for a start. *pat on the head*
Actually, I wanted to blog about something that is very crucial to heart. Ok, its not really crucial ah but still, it is to me. Now hell what am I talking. Pardon me cos its 0435 hours and I'm not asleep and I have to go Ubin later. Now back to the story, have you ever came to a point where you will suddenly be reminded of your ex when you're in love with someone else? Be reminded as in thinking of him for too long, checking up on his fb and looking, browsing on his photos?! Now I did. I did all that and I don't even know why. Maybe because he has been 'nice' to me lately. Its strange because we used to bicker ALOT even though our relationship was like zaman purba already. And even we mocked, criticised each other and I was so afraid of him for some reasons. And now, its totally different. I'll take that he has reached puberty and maturity of course.
Whatever that is, I'm sure that things wont repeat the same way. We will never be together again. Cos I miss this boy who has hurt me the most but I still love him and treasure him the most. You see the picture above, yup. Thats the one.
Now sweet dreams to me please. I need to wake up early.
profile
Nur Albania Ismail ♥ A girl who is still chasing after her dreams, but NO
not a prince charming this time round!